How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
