i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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