nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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