Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
