i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
