before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
