worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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