i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
