so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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