she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
They have beer where we have blood.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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