I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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