I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
they're like a gay fantastic four
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
