She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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