I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
