I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
