I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i think my cat just said my name.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
