I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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