Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
