You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
