what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
