Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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