why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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