I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
how does that bad decision feel?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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