Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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