That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
