You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
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We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
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You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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