i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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