As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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