Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
