She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
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