omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
