anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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