Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize