Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My dick has a subreddit
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
