You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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