My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I need moral support for this bender
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
