who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
