She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
