More tranny stories later!
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
