Tell her she can't have a vagina
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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