i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
