just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
