He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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