Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
