Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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