This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
