i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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