My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
