okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I have fence marks all over my body
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
