I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
