he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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