remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
