Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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