Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
