Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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