I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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