don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
