the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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