how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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