Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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