pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
