Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
