My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
