Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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