I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize