You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
