are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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