an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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